When I was a child, my mother told me I had an intense relationship with one of my baby blankets. It was cotton with a satin border. Sleeping, eating, or playing my constant companion was always with me. As you might guess, it became pretty raunchy.
The satin was torn and faded from my constant sucking it, and it turned a shade of grey because it was so dirty. My mother tried bribing me, tricking me, offering me rewards to give up the blanket for a few minutes so she could wash it. It was a no-win situation. I would not let it go.
When someone hurts you deeply, it is like a deep cut from a knife blade. You carry your pain inside. You can’t see any blood, but your emotions are bleeding, and all is not well. You grab a pacifier to become your comforting companion. Unforgiveness becomes your binky.
You set up your wall of unforgiveness, and keep it with you all the time. It’s your defense to try to stop the bleeding, but it won’t erase the memory. Someone tells you just forget it and move on. What a holier than thou kind of statement! It has overtones of conceit and snobbishness and certainly does not make you feel better.
Have you ever felt hatred? Your mind is occupied with thoughts on how to get even. You want to hurt that person like they hurt you. You long to feel satisfied that you have gotten justice.
I am certain there are many reasons why you won’t forgive, divorce, bullying, parental abuse, physical and/or emotional abuse and on and on. You have a right to hold onto your bitterness, anger, and frustration--don’t you? If you answered yes, you have just scored a touchdown for self-pity.
Your choice to feel sorry for yourself is shortening your life’s journey and hinders your ability to share the gifts that God has placed in you, (creativity, resourcefulness, problem-solving, etc.). This choice prevents you from experiencing deep and lasting relationships and keeps your soul wrapped in bitterness.
Let me cut right to the heart of the matter where everything begins. Your "unforgiveness binky” will attach to your soul and will become torn, unsatisfying, and dark. You won’t like others, and you really won’t like yourself. How could you when you want another person to feel the same pain you feel?
When I found out my former husband molested my son I hated him enough to kill him. Instead, I grabbed my unforgiveness binky, created a cocoon and crawled into it. I would not forgive him, and nothing could change that; I was not going to let go of my binky.
One morning as I was praying I heard myself ask a question: How can I thank Christ for his forgiveness for my multiple screw-ups, yet refuse to pass over someone else’s offense?
Where justice truly begins:
Each day I remind myself that not only am I a vessel designed to carry out His purpose, so is everyone else. What wicked or painful event has He allowed during your spiritual walk?
You have my word, based on Scriptures, there is a balance of righteousness and justice. His outcome is always just. If you trust Him with long-term faith, you will get the benefit. Remember, you have already been forgiven.
A baby falls down over and over when learning to walk, but amazingly, always gathers the courage to try again. So it is with forgiveness. I missed the mark many times before I came close. Even now I keep pressing on toward the prize.
The unforgiving person is not the real you. Like iris’s sprouting through the snow, you will unlock the true you when you let your heart and the Spirit of Christ guide you on the road to forgiveness.